Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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