Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize