i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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