just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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