I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
