i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sober January is a disaster.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
