STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
