apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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