Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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