apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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