girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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