She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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