Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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