roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
