My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i need some magic done to my vagina
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
