Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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