is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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