Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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