whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
