Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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