jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
