i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't deserve a penis
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
