I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
