oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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