Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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