The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
