the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
