I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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