Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize