Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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