You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
