did you get engaged???
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
