oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
