i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
