his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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