I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
