I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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