hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
