so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
