We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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