make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
