I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
