we have officially lost it.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
