Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
