i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
