took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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