I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
