i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
