He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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