I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
