A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
