you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
