I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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