Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
