I wish I could teleport
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
