she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
