I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
