You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A bitchslap is in order.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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